Kaiju Sized Moments of Absurdity, Hilarity, Shock & Awe in Japanese Giant Monster and Science Fiction Movies

Japan's unique brand of science fiction and monster cinema is home to many scenes that will leave you awestruck, stimulate your imagination, and also make your jaw drop, and your belly ache from laughter. This is a selection of fifteen of the silliest, the wackiest, the most outrageous moments in serious, and not-so-serious Japanese creature features of the outsized sort.

1. KING KONG VS. GODZILLA (1962): THERE WAS A KROOKED KONG...
 

Overt goofiness in Japanese monster flicks began to seep in with this classic, and hugely entertaining monster mash. Whether it be the Japanese in black-face, Yu Fujiki complaining of his corns hurting, Ichiro Arishima's goofy Mr. Tako, or Kong getting drunk on berries, there's plenty of fun to be had regardless of which version of KKVG you watch. The 'Falls Count Anywhere' battle royale at the end is spectacular with both beasts getting in some cheap jabs; and they celebrate accordingly. Even though it's all intended with the most light-hearted touch, there are a few shots where Kong shows signs of some rare monster bone disease with arms that bend in ways arms aren't meant to bend. The Kong suit used here isn't one of the more popular among movie fans. Reportedly, a number of gorilla designs were rejected by Tsuburaya before this one was decided on, so it'd be great to see just how bad those earlier ones looked.

2. GORATH (1962).... BECAUSE GIANT WALRUS!

Ishiro Honda's ambitious and expensive SciFi tale of Armageddon is among the best examples of science fiction cinema. It works perfectly as a story about mankind contending with a gigantic star (the Gorath of the title) that threatens to decimate the Earth. But with giant monsters all the rage at the time, producer Tomiyuki Tanaka thought it'd be best if one found a home somewhere in the script. For approximately 5 minutes, GORATH's trajectory is stopped while Magma, a giant walrus freed from its icy tomb in the South Pole, runs rampant over miniature sets before being subdued by laser fire. It's jarring, but considering Japan is teeming with giant kaiju spread out all over the country, it fits. But try to imagine a giant sea serpent attacking Gene Hackman and the rest of the cast trapped inside the capsized ocean liner from THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972); or Charlton Heston faced with confronting a giant creature wrecking havoc in EARTHQUAKE (1974).... which might not be such a bad idea after all.

3. MONSTERS REQUIRE AN INTERPRETER IN GHIDORAH, THE THREE HEADED-MONSTER (1965)

In Japan, three heads are better than one; not just as a proverb, but applicable for giant monsters, too. Mothra momentarily halts Godzilla and Rodan's monster melee to try and talk them into beating up King Ghidorah, the triple-headed playground bully of the universe. With humans watching on the sidelines, Mothra's twin fairies translate everything into English (in the dubbed print, anyways); all except Godzilla's "terrible language"! Godzilla and Rodan's batting boulders back at forth schtick was perfected in the "tennis match" between Godzilla and Ebirah in GODZILLA VS. THE SEA MONSTER (1967).

THOSE MAGNIFICENT JAPANESE SPX MEN AND THEIR FLYING MACHINES 

Japanese science fiction might seem silly, or even contemptible to some mainstream viewers, but there's no denying the level of creativity on display in them. With numerous live action and animated TV shows  featuring assorted mecha and transforming vehicles, Japanese SciFi is a virtual smorgasbord of imaginative ideas -- the ultimate sandbox for big kids. Some of the cool creations that come to mind are the Goten-Go, or ATRAGON (1963); an enormous, weapons-laden undersea warship that can also fly; the main warship of MIGHTY JACK was another flying submarine that also acted as an aircraft carrier. Melding the past with the future was a frequent theme in Japan-a-tainment, and one of the more surreal examples is the sailing ship spacecraft seen in Toei's goofy, gaudy STAR WARS style epic MESSAGE FROM SPACE (1978). Think STARCRASH (1978) or BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS (1980), only it's superior to the former and comparable to the latter.

4. GODZILLA DOES THE FUNKY KAIJU IN MONSTER ZERO (1965)

After both he and Rodan rough up King Ghidorah, Godzilla does this goofy victory dance on the surface of Planet X, home to a race of emaciated New Wave rock musicians whose out of this world attire includes visor sunglasses, huge neck braces, and curly-toed boots. Anyway, our two hero monsters 'Whip It', and 'Whip It Good' in their rematch with KG. Known as 'The Jumping Shie' in Japan, Godzilla's Happy Dance is basically a jumping heel click. It's kind of jarring the first time you see it, but it grows on you over time.

5. FRANKENSTEIN VS. BARAGON (1965): BECAUSE... GIANT OCTOPUS!

Toho's mix of Shelley's novel with nazis and kaiju conventions was a bizarre marriage, but Honda and company make it work. With a title like FRANKENSTEIN VS. BARAGON you're guaranteed a ticket into Drive In Heaven.  The heart of the Frankenstein Monster is eaten by a starving boy who grows into a giant neolithic caveman and battles a subterranean lizard; and it's all taken dead serious. The cream of the calamari crop is the inclusion of a giant, pissed off octopus. At the behest of impulsive American producers who went gaga over the octopi from KING KONG VS. GODZILLA (1962), an alternate ending was shot where a tired Franky M. is assaulted by an angry cephalopod after a grueling 15 minute Japan Death Match against Baragon (unlike Daiei's Barugon, this one looks like a puppy dog). These same impulsive American producers were apparently fickle, too, as the ending was never used. The tentacled terror did get used in the sequel, FRANKENSTEIN MONSTERS: SANDA VS. GAIRA (1966), aka WAR OF THE GARGANTUAS.

6. EVEN KOREAN KAIJU LIKE YONGARY, MONSTER FROM THE DEEP (1967) LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE... AND LIKE TO BOOGIE

If Godzilla and Gamera can both get down and boogie, than why not this reptilian critter from South Korea? Korea shows they can do giant monsters just like their Japanese colleagues, only far less exciting. An hour in, Yongary wakes up from one of his oil drinking binges and inexplicably begins dancing while Korean surfer music blares on the soundtrack. A little boy encourages Yongary, and does the Korean Twist, himself. On a more serious note, Yongary will go down in history as the only known Asian monster to bleed from his ass before expiring. South Korea produced an even crappier remake in the 1990s titled YONGARRY. The country did a much better crappy monster movie in 1976 with A*P*E.

7. THE GREEN SLIME (1968) KNOWS HOW TO ROCK

Kinji Fukasaku's unbelievably entertaining 'B' movie (B as in Bad) plays it straight, but I defy you to keep a straight face while watching it. The original Japanese version runs 77 minutes versus the US cuts 90 minutes; the latter of which emphasizes the love triangle between Horton, Paluzzi and Jaeckel when the creatures aren't lighting up their victims with their high voltage attacks. What generously aids in getting this tale of cyclopean, tentacled aliens wrecking havoc aboard a space station a spot on this list is the psychedelic, spaced-out groove tune by Richard Delvy called 'Green Slime'. If you're familiar with the original song (exclusive to the US release), get in the spirit of green globular goodness and sing along in your head with these new lyrics below...

What can it be -- where did it come from?
A film so bad, your mind goes numb
Laugh and cry and maybe scream
You'll wake and hope it's all been a dream
From Japan and oh so sublime
Eating away at your brain, it's Green Slime!

GODZILLA HAS MINYA. ULTRAMAN HAS PIGMON.

Throughout the 39 episodes of ULTRAMAN and its numerous spin-offs, there's been a generous supply of bizarre monsters to fill out the long-running series. Out of all the remarkably offbeat creatures, one of the most popular is the passive Pigmon. Highly irritating, yet modestly lovable all at the same time, there's no denying the 'hand on a chalkboard' level of annoyance evoked by this squawking, skeletal-clawed, pink-colored, fat-lipped chia pet. Kids love'em, and I do remember crying back then when I witnessed poor Pigmon being squashed while trying to help The Science Patrol. Aside from his ridiculous appearance, his hyper hopping, and hand flailing remained burned into my brain all these years later. Appearing occasionally throughout the various Ultraman incarnations, Pigmon starred in episodes 8 and 37 of the original ULTRAMAN -- and both times he died either crushed by boulders thrown by Red King, or smashed by the hand of Dorako. He was sort of the Kenny of the Ultraverse (Oh, my god! You killed Pigmon!).

 8. GAMERA REVEALS HE'S A BEAST ON THE GYMNASTICS BARS IN GAMERA VS. GUIRON (1968)

If battling a monster from outer space with a big knife on his head wasn't bizarre enough, the creatures brightly colored alien home world has giant gymnast bars that the monsters can use to brush up on their agility. Gamera takes a brief moment to show off his acrobatic skills before Guiron attempts to make turtle soup out of him. In other weirdness, Guiron turns Space Gyaos into sliced bologna, and two alien women plot to eat the brains of the two young boys they capture!

9. GAMERA REVEALS HE'S A BEAST IN WATER SPORTS IN GAMERA VS. VIRAS (1968)

For half of the original Gamera series, the makers tried to build an entire movie around two tykes exploring their surroundings -- aboard UFO's, other planets, or inside Gamera himself -- in between scenes with the monsters. Only GAMERA VS. JIGER (1970) was successful in not making a boring mess with this formula. In VIRAS, it's a cadre of octopi aliens traveling in a weird looking spacecraft made up of five glowing ping pong balls with bullseye's painted on them. Two boys are kidnapped by the aliens, and spend a lot of time walking around the ship. The monster money shot is Gamera water skiing on Viras's tentacles. In the meantime, you'll thrill to some 20 minutes of stock footage from previous Gamera films to pad out the picture.

10. GODZILLA TAKES FLIGHT IN GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER (1971)

Yoshimitsu Banno's acid trip kaiju opus not only had Godzilla battling Hedorah in a desperate bid to "Save the Earth", but there was also trippy animation sequences, tons of goop, irradiated humans and Japanese hippies. The highlight of it all is probably Godzilla tucking his tail between his legs and using his radioactive breath to fly and chase Hedorah in flying form. Godzilla going airborne was such a hit with producer Tanaka, he exclaimed Banno had ruined the series and promised he'd never direct another Godzilla movie ever again. Hedorah is quite the nasty jokester, too; it makes Diarrhea all over Godzilla in one of the films funnier moments.

11. GAMERA REVEALS HE'S A BEAST ON AN XYLOPHONE IN GAMERA VS. ZIGRA (1971)

Thankfully this was the last Gamera movie till 1980 when the gaudy, cheap, yet bitchin' stock footage fest of GAMERA SUPER MONSTER made all those scenes feel fresh and new again with tighter editing and a snazzy soundtrack. Before overcooking his big fish, Gamera rocks out by playing his own theme song on the spiky back of Zigra while doing a celebratory jig. Zigra, a talking alien shark, would have made a great ULTRAMAN series addition.

HERO IN AN ASCOT: KAMEN RIDER

One of Japan's most revered, and popular Tokusatsu television programs, KAMEN RIDER began in 1971 (the first series ran from April 1971 to February 1973 for 98 episodes) and is still going strong today in its various incarnations on the big and small screen. There are many adjectives one could use to describe KAMEN RIDER, a TV show that's not only aimed at kids, but is both chintzy and freakishly violent at times -- towards both humans and monsters alike. To simply call the story about an ascot wearing, motorcycle riding humanoid cricket battling the forces of Shocker and their army of monsters weird is an understatement. KAMEN RIDER was popular in other Asian territories, and highly influential on the Shaw Brothers cult favorite, THE SUPER INFRAMAN (1975). Some of the monster designs in that movie were clearly inspired by similarly daft creations in the Japanese show. If you're into eccentric cinema and television, the world of Japanese Tokusatsu and Super Sentai is a veritable goldmine of gonzo themes and ideas.

 12. KIDS WILL ABSOLUTELY ADORE DAIGORO VS. GOLIATH (1972). ADULTS WILL ABSOLUTELY ABHOR IT.

Tsuburaya's 10th Anniversary film is a celebration of absurdity, yet it's oddly charming at the same time. If you dislike the more pronounced kiddie kaiju movies, you'll loath this beyond compare. However, this is first and foremost a kids flick. What makes this of peculiar interest is that the special effects surpass those of the Godzilla series that were coming out at that time. Other than some songs, a sort of Japanese Pee Wee Herman (before there was even a Pee Wee Herman), and humans training Daigoro for his big battle, the height of ridiculousness is reached in the last scene when Daigoro is seen exiting a gigantic outhouse!

 13. DOUBLE TEAM SLIDING TAIL SUPA DROP-KICK FROM GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (1973)

GVM is one long tag team monster match, but by this time, there really wasn't much lunacy left for Toho's kaiju department to come up with. We got a giant cyborg cochroach, a giant cyborg chicken with a buzz saw in his chest (introduced in GODZILLA VS. GIGAN [1972]), and Jet Jaguar, an Ultraman style robot who would be more convincing if her were just a guy in a silver mask wearing a garishly colorful aerobics outfit. As a bonus, there's Robert Dunham in a toga and tiara with a Megalon head attached to it. All this inspired insanity needed was some Godzilla shenanigans -- which it got with that hilarious drop-kick maneuver -- not once, but twice.

14. UNFORTUNATELY, LEGEND OF DINOSAURS AND MONSTER BIRDS (1977) EXISTS 

Toei did scarcely few movies featuring giant monsters. Outside of the ninja fantasy, THE MAGIC SERPENT (1966), this torturous Japanese version of JAWS (1975) is the most well known. The gore is moist, meaty, and surprisingly well done with guts, body parts and half eaten horses strewn from one end of the screen to the next. Sadly, the monsters are the polar opposite; and among the worst ever put to film. A marionette play for kids would have better models. LEGEND OF DINOSAURS AND MONSTER BIRDS is Japan's version of THE GIANT CLAW (1957). It's a totally bizarre movie that any fan of kaiju films should experience at least once in their life -- even if you do regret it later.

15. ATTACK OF THE SUPER MONSTERS (1977/1982) PROVES MIXING SUITMATION, STOP-MOTION AND ANIME ONLY SOUNDS GOOD ON PAPER

This outrageously wacky movie, a re-edited version of the TV series DINOSAUR WAR IZENBORG, has dinosaurs taking over the Earth while poorly rendered anime characters thwart their plans; these include a brother and sister duo that combine to form Izenborg -- an Ultraman type character -- a concept similar to that of ULTRAMAN ACE (1972-1973). A cretinous Cretaceous dino named Emperor Tyrannus (Ururu in Japanese version) plans the destruction of mankind while barking orders like, "Destroy!" and "Kill them all!" at other dinosaurs. There's lots of miniatures and some of the worst stop-motion you'll ever see. The dinosaur suit from THE LAST DINOSAUR (1977) was slumming it here, but for this, he actually got dialog. As atrocious as it is, IZENBORG in its motion picture form is Honda level expertise compared to the series (and cobbled together movie) that preceded it -- DINOSAUR EXPLORATION TEAM BORN FREE (KYORYU TANKENTAI BORN FREE [1976]), aka RETURN OF THE DINOSAURS.